Bluepigeon’s blog

Everything is so messed up with Luke. There's not even a point to writing it ll down. I'm absolutely petrified something else will happen. Another lie.
I've always heard love takes work and junk. But then I have this imagine of perfection in my mind. God.
I know Luke could very possibly be the one for me. I've never felt anything like it when we kiss. I feel it in every fiber of my being. He's so right for me. If he proposed, I'd say yes. I do love him. I want him, for good.

I don't know if I'll ready this a year later, single, and just shake my head. Maybe I'll be engaged and he'll be sitting next to me reading this. We'll both be smiling.
If I'm reading this and I'm single, I'm sorry. I tried my best. Please don't analyze it to where you blame yourself. I'm trying. If it ends, it was something he did cause I won't give up.

If you're reading this Luke, hi =]. Look where we are.
You better not have any lies.

*sigh* It appears my lovely boyfriend is sick. He's coughing and junk. He's pretty concerned about me catching it in my fragile health state *rolls eyes*. But I guess it's sweet lol.
If he's feeling better tomorrow morning he'll head my way and stay through Monday. And that worries me, also. His truck is kinda poopy so yeah. We haven't seen each other in three weeks. Cha, 3 weeks. Too long. And next weekend is our Valentine's weekend...*double sigh*

Shawn left a three pound chocolate heart at my door yesterday morning. Luke doesn't like him lol.

Keven still hasn't called or emailed.

Told Alex I used to have a huge crush on him years ago. He had a crush on me too lol.

I cleaned my room today, Extreme clean even. Vacuumed and everything =]

dj,skfcik.fcjfj I'm so tied. Tina turned into a cowardly slut, too. *shrugs*

-Brianna

Interesting turn of events last night. Apparently I emailed Keven around Christmas just saying hi. Well he emailed me on gmail over a week ago, but I never check gmail. I did last night. It was kind of longish. I guess he thought I've been mad at him all this time. I emailed back and assured him I haven't been mad. He also said he hopes I don't hate him for taking my virginity. Because It was one of the best nights he's ever had. and he reads old emails I've sent when he thinks about me. Which is often.
I was honest, I'm not mad, but I'd take it back if I could. And I couldn't say I thought about him often, because that would be a big lie. So I just said I missed him at Christmas. Well he replied almost immediately, he was online. He said he bought me a Christmas present but didn't have the courage to give it to me. Then something about calling if I'm not busy. I didn't have his number, so he gave it to me again.
We were on the phone for like 10 minutes. Not much to tell. Then we started talking about my V... I said something like "well at least we didn't have sex" and he said "yeah, if you ever want to change that.. you know my number" I didn't know what to say. I was like "yeah, I'm not into meaningless sex" he said "it wouldn't be meaningless but yeah, just call". We got off the phone shortly after that.
Now I realize that everyone was right about him lol. I was the only one who didn't see what he wanted. Now it's oh so obvious. He said he'd call me tonight. *shrugs* we'll see.

I told Luke about all of this, of course. He thinks he's a douche.

This Suicide Girls junk is pissing me off so bad, too. People like Shawn disgust me. That website is a fucking porn site. it's degrading that they portray their selves as "classy models". If it was so artistic, why would you need to pay to look at it? Why would 'turn ons' be a section in the standard profile. Stupid people like Shawn don't realize what it is. If it was art, the girls wouldn't be so concerned with what boys thing of their bodies. God... he's so stupid. They post nudes for a reason; for attention. Confidence boost. Guys will keep paying if they can message them and talk to them. Don't you think they and the website knows that? It makes them feel special.
How many guys do you think would pay to have a conversation with fully clothed girls? Maybe my boyfriend, maybe. But millions would pay for nude chicks. He wouldn't pay to talk to those same girls, clothed. He would lose interest.
That website is a sex-driven site. I'm sick of people thinking it's so much more. You can call it whatever you like, but sex is still what everything about that site insinuates.

My mom is here so 'll post more later

-Brianna

Well, my first post. Blah...

More tomorrow.

Nine Inch Nails - Year Zero - 09 - The Warning

Nine Inch Nails